Turning 20 wasn't and isn't the nicest point in my life. I wish I could still be six, no worries in the world and having fun. But reality hits me. I'm already 20. I'm hoping I'm wiser, taller (yeah rightttt...=p), fatter (double yeah righttt...), cleverer (?), stronger, musculerer... etc. But, well, nothing comes easy.

Lately, I somehow seem to be more in touch with my inner self but not exactly myself. Comes with the age? I don't know. Don't expect to understand that. HAha.. It's indescribeable. The more things happen, the more I find somethings about me. It's scary, really. And the more things happen, the more I find things about others. Some, remorsely painful because it affects me. It's easy to say, take it to the Lord in prayer, trust Him, Lean on Him... so on and so forth. Honestly, it's easier said than done. But God's grace is always sufficient. I've been scraping through... with lots of cuts and bruises. I do not know how else to carry on, what to do, how to do it. But I know God is faithful and He will guide. I just need more faith.

Note to self : You're 20 Jo, Grow up.

So I ran.... and ran and ran. It was good. But painful and tiring. My last 10km marathon? I dunnolah. haha. Pretty happy with myself, though no one was there to witness it :)

I finally realised that being nice can cause problems. Being nice can make you feel miserable. Really miserable. Not that you should be mean and wicked but rather, there are times to be nice and time to put your foot down and say 'No' or speak your mind/ opinion. This is, something I find really really hard to do. People pleasing syndrome? Well, you can say so.

In these few days I have been causing much problems and chaos because of my intentions of me wanting to be nice. I am coming to realisation, about the consequences of going too much out of the way to be nice. What really is the point of it? To get into people's good books? To look good and seemingly nice? To earn love? Attention maybe? Or maybe they really really are sincerely trying to help.Perhaps. Different people have different reasons for their actions /words... be it they know it or not. But what really bugs me is, why do we do it?

Love maybe.....

Perhaps.

I don't know.

I'm beginning to not know what I'm typing....... so I better chiaow..... =p